Waking up next to Joe this morning at 6:00 am, I mentioned that I got to see Amy and Chris’ dogs and how funny and strange they are, and any mention of animals throws us into a variation on a conversation we (oddly) often have:
ME: I miss the cats - right now they would see we are awake and Manzie would walk up onto me and sit on me. Walk walk walk.
JOE: I would rather be a dog than a cat, because cats are always worried and dogs just have to do one thing and they’re happy.
ME: …
JOE: (rolling over in bed with eyes still closed, smiling) All you have to do is love your owner and if you had a great owner, then it’s nice, and that’s it, that’s all you have to do, love them. And then you’re happy.
ME: Yeah, cuz that’s his job.
JOE: (still sleepily smiling) No, it’s not a job, it’s his soul.
ME: (pause) I want a job that’s my soul. Like a dog.
I hadn’t really noticed the flowers starting to bloom amidst the April showers n’ all, because the telling sign of spring in the city is the arrival of Peeps at the drug store!
Joe’s comment on this picture was: “What is Mr. Fur staring at? Notice that he’s not interested in the peeps because they aren’t food. (Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants)”
Yes, it’s disgusting that I’m putting this up but this is Joe’s bright idea in progress. It would be really great if we could actually train the animals to use the toilet - think about how much money you could save on litter every year if you didn’t have to buy it.
Manzie actually gets it - she hops up onto the toilet, does her thing, then quickly leaves. It’s Solo who’s protesting the whole potty-training idea. He loves the whole process of burying his treasure - the digging, the scratching, the whole bloody process. So going from a huge litter box full of litter to a tiny little container of litter (on a toilet, no less), to being partially litter-less has been painful for him. Our morning routine now involves a billion steps: meow in Miranda’s face a bunch of times, wake her up to go get food, get fed, have some window-time watching the kingdom outside while waiting for the gastro-colic reflex to kick in, then get locked in the bathroom with some encouraging words (I have to pet him kindly and tell him, “you can do it!”), and when he does, in fact, “do it,” reward him with some more kind words and a treat. Otherwise, he’ll try to poop in the paper recycling bin. We have even put a night-light in the bathroom with extra-serene blue mood lighting.
I’m irritated because while this was Joe’s inspiration, it somehow has become my job. It so infuriates me that if we ever have children, they will be wearing diapers until they are 18 because I do not want to go through this ordeal again.
She is the saddest little cat in the whole world. Manzie has a cut under her eye that she keeps on scratching open, so she has to wear a cone. The cone makes it hard to lick (her favorite past-time), to chase toys, to drink water, to eat, to sleep. So miserable. And so ridiculous looking.
I was obsessed with this website, catster.com, much like friendster.com, for a little while, not only because the cats are so cute and funny but also because witnessing other people’s cat craziness keeps my cat craziness in check. Although, it’d be great if Solo and Manzie could make internet cat friends. They don’t like to go out much. I really want to make them each a catster bio, but I have to control myself.
And then I went over to it’s sister website, dogster.com, which led rather dangerously to petfinder.com, and my friend is fueling the obsession by emailing me bios, much like trolling jdate.com or match.com except not as sketchy.
NO DOGS ALLOWED!!! NO DOGS ALLOWED!!! SELF-CONTROL!!! Here are all the reasons why I can’t get a dog:
it’s like having a child, and I don’t want to have to rearrange my schedule for a dog.
they’re much more expensive than cats.
they need frequent baths.
a puppy would need to be taken to puppy school.
Solo and Manzie would probably be jealous.
Did I mention I don’t have time for a dog?
They need a whole lot more attention than cats.
The time factor, again.
Dog fur + cat fur + Miranda’s hair = explosion of allergens and intense dust bunnies in the corners.
The biggest reason of all, though, for NOT begging for a dog is that I already begged for the cats. And if I beg for a dog, then a pattern will be established, that of course, will only lead to begging for human offspring. And I do not want to start on that slippery slope. No no no no no no dogs.
And my gross but cool ID tidbit for the day: Cat scratch disease. Caused by the difficult to Gram stain, Gram negative rod bartonella henselae.
In urgent care many months ago, there was a 12 year old kid who just had her tongue pierced, had a bad cold, and had an exquisitely tender and impressively large lymph node in her neck. Her tongue didn’t look red or infected, but the lymph node was humongous, and she didn’t have a fever. Luckily for her, it went away after a week, and luckily for me, this gave me the opportunity to run through the differential for tender lymphadenopathy (tender lymph nodes, in medical speak). Most likely, she was merely having a reactive lymphadenopathy in repsonse to her tongue getting pierced and also probably from fighting a nasty cold virus, but you should also be thinking about malignant causes of lymphadenopathy, autoimmune stuff, embryological stuff that only pediatricians consider like those weird thyroglossal cysts, and infectious causes, like…cat scratch disease! Which prompted my attending to ask her “have you been playing with cats this past week?” No, she only had her tongue pierced. Without her mom knowing. She might have avoided getting grounded had she also happened to be playing with a cat that week.
The thing to know about this is that it’s usually caused by getting scratched by kittens and usually outdoor kittens, not your 13 year-old fatty indoor cat. And usually, it’ll resolve on its own. Antibiotics can help it go away faster, and sometimes they’ll need to drain the lymph node if it becomes pus-filled but usually, it’ll resolve on its own.
Okay, and speaking of those dirty creatures, here is one in action. You have to tilt your head to the side to watch, but the gist of it is: she likes treats. IMGP1618.AVI
