Hello everyone, meet Joe and Miranda’s fetus:

As you can see, black-and-white-grainy-ultrasound-images have become de rigeur for announcing pregnancy in the internet world, and we are only following the fashion.

And now, because this is awkward, a FAQ sheet:

Um, you’re pregnant?

Yes.  As confirmed by $40 worth of pee sticks, and a few official visits to the ob.

Really, are you sure?

Yes.

But that could be a pre-recorded baby on that image!

This is what my dad said when he looked at the ultrasound.  This is what Joe thought when they stuck the ultrasound probe on my lower gut and an image popped up on screen of a wiggly little fetus.  Then he said, “you could just be getting fat.”  Well yes, I could be getting fat, but I’d like to pretend that part of the fatness is related to a fetus inside my uterus.  The other thing my mom and dad said when they saw the ultrasound image: “Looks like Joe.”  Already?!
How did this happen?

You know how this happens.  Geez people, must I explain everything?

When are you due?

Late July.

Oh yay!/Oh shit! That means…

Um, yeah, that means no weird scheduling kerfuffles for residency and residency chiefs, no awkward emails from me begging for scheduling re-arrangements because residency thankfully ends on June 30th.  Unfortunately for my fellowship compadres, that means a big honking scheduling kerfuffle, since fellowship begins on July 1st.  And for that, I am truly, truly sorry.  And truly, truly terrified.  I will be taking terror-inducing ICU call in my last month of pregnancy, and while I am ridiculously deliriously incredibly happy that I am finally starting my career as a neonatologist, I am terrified that this will be occuring so near my possible labor date.  I don’t want my water to break while intubating a 24-week triplet or starting a PICC line.  For those in the non-medical world, basically, I am going to have to learn how to do really hard medical things while my legs are swollen and I have to pee every 2 hours.  Not fun for me and not fair to my patients.

So are you happy about this?

Well, I’m very happy about the baby.  Maybe it makes me a bad parent already to be so worried about my medical career, but after 8+ years of medical training and with a handful more years to go, I can’t help but worry about juggling fellowship and parenthood.  I would like to think that my worrying about starting my fellowship at the same as having a new baby is really just related to the thoughtful planning that has been a classic characteristic of the type-A medicine types.  But really, with a medical career, there is no good time to have a baby.  There might be some times that are better than others (and you can chat amongst yourselves as to when the “right time” is to have a baby while being a physician).  We have been trying off-and-on again to have a baby for over a year, and I didn’t think it would happen like this, without the miracles of science and whatnot.  So there ya go.

Is Joe happy about the pregnancy?

Yes, he is.  To the point where he will occasionally try to talk to my stomach, and in a very gentle voice, say, “Gully, this is your daddy speaking.  What are you doing right now?”

“Gully”?!?! Is THAT what you’re naming the kid?!?

Nooo, but every fetus needs a name before you find out the sex (and that won’t be for another month.)  We were casually browsing the Ikea website for cheap baby crap to get a sense of what this new-baby thing will cost us, and came across a crib called “Gulliver,” although there might be an umlaut over the “u.”  You have to have a ridiculous name.  You just do.  Heck, I know of several children who’s fetal names have actually stuck, and who respond to both their birth certificate names and their fetal nicknames.

So how are you feeling?

Had lots of nausea for well over a month, and have vomited a bunch of times, gotten dehydrated enough to have an IV placed once, tried Zofran, an anti-nausea medication (didn’t really work), but now the chief issue is really bad reflux.  Now that my appetite is back, I am very much aware of the anatomical location of my esophagus because it is burning up like a hot acidic metal rod in the center of my chest.  The ob said that if you have bad reflux at the beginning of pregnancy, it’ll only get worse.  Yay.  I am now popping ranitidine (safe for pregnancy!) before every meal.

So, are you becoming Fatty McFat or what?

Yes, that’s exactly what is happening.  Every time I look down at my gut, I have that weird feeling that people are eyeing me suspiciously, “Could be fat, or could be pregnant.”  I am almost 15 weeks pregnant, and my jeans are too uncomfortable to button shut, my work pants don’t really button anymore, but all the maternity pants are too big and too ugly to give into quite yet.  The other embarrassing thing is that pregnancy has finally pushed me over from the training bra section of the lingerie area at Macy’s to the normal grown-up section that has bras that are actually sized by letter.  It’s like I’ve finally reached Tanner stage 5, which in adolescent-medicine-speak, is bodily adulthood.

So now what, are your Facebook updates only going to be about your pregnancy?

No worries, I won’t get all cheesy on all y’alls.